She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
