What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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