I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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