this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
