Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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