are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
