and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
