his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
4 words: hood of his car
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
