my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
