His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
