At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
