Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
