her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
