We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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