I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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