i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
