he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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