just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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