My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
