I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
