i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
