We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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