Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
