so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
