I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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