why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
