Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
