you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
