I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
