My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
