I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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