you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I could make wine with my vomit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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