she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
