Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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