I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
