I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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