I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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