I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
