Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
