You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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