we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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