We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
