when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
