I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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