So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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