Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
