these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
