So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
