1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
