OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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