Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
