Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
