You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
