butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
